Are We Ever Really in Control?
I listened to a podcast interview last week with Townsend Wardlaw. It took me down a fascinating rabbit hole. Fascinating for me, anyway.
Townsend is an exceptional coach. I had the pleasure of spending time with him last October when we were both guests at a wedding in India. The interview was on the Learn It All Podcast, aimed at leaders.
I’ve listened to it twice already. I’ll listen again. There’s that much in it.
One question stopped me in my tracks.
“What percent of how things work out is REALLY up to you?”
Townsend said that back in 2008 he would have answered 95%.
Over time that dropped. From 95% to maybe 3–5%.
After spending time in India, seeing immense wealth and devastating poverty separated by 50 feet, his answer became zero.
Zero percent.
That landed.
Back in the days of my burnout, I’d have been firmly in the 95% camp. I believed, deeply, that if it was to be, it was up to me. That thinking drove me hard. It also drove me into the ground.
Underneath it all was the belief that I wasn’t enough.
The idea that “the universe has your back” wasn’t even on my radar. And that’s despite growing up in a religion that spoke of a loving, benevolent God. I would have said I believed that. But I also had many moments of doubt.
Over time, something has shifted.
I’m not claiming truth here. Just exploring a possibility.
What if there is something beyond us? An intelligence, energy, creative force that births universes, spins galaxies, beats hearts?
If that’s true, how much control do I really have?
Three percent? Five? Zero?
I’m warming to zero.
And that raises an uncomfortable question.
If we’re not in control, why care?
Why try?
Why would it matter how I show up if outcomes aren’t really up to me?
Here’s what I’m seeing.
We are wired to create. We can’t not create.
Not just businesses or inventions. We create meaning. We create identity. We create how we see ourselves. How we see others. How we see the world.
One person sees a tree and sees beauty to protect.
Another sees timber to sell.
Creation is happening constantly.
I read this recently in The Way of Mastery:
“Far beyond the great thrill of the magic of creating events or objects in third dimensional reality is the qualities that you create, such as peace, unlimitedness, forgiveness, compassion, wisdom. These too are creations.”
That hit me.
Because even if I don’t control outcomes, some things matter deeply to me.
It matters how I show up with Jules.
It matters how I am as a dad to Jake and Soph.
It matters how I serve my clients.
It matters how I care for my body.
Outcomes might not be in my hands.
But how I create me? That is.
One of my clients, Manuela Lipp (pic of Manuela and me above), captured this beautifully after a recent conversation. She said:
“True creation is not driven by outcomes but by the quality of our BEing … our inner operating system. From that place, we act with full commitment, using the resources available to us. As soon as we fixate on results, our perception narrows. Openness, possibility, and creative power diminish, because judgment replaces presence.”
That’s it!
Commitment to BEing.
There’s one more layer for me.
I may not control how things work out. But I’ve noticed something. When I am deeply committed, when I show up fully, there seems to be a correlation between how I show up and how things unfold.
How can that be, if I’m not in control?
Manuela’s use of the word commitment reminded me of a quote by William H. Murray:
“Until one is committed, there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back. Concerning all acts of initiative and creation, there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid plans: that the moment one definitely commits oneself, then Providence moves too… Whatever you can do, or dream you can do, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Begin it now.”
When we commit, something seems to move.
Call it Providence.
Call it the universe.
Call it God.
Call it infinite intelligence.
I’m never sure exactly what to call it.
But I’m starting to see that my real freedom isn’t in controlling outcomes.
My freedom is in how I create me.
How I see myself.
How I see others.
How I see my circumstances.
How I commit.
From there, I show up.
And then something beyond me seems to get involved.
On its terms. Not mine.
Sometimes I get what I want. Sometimes I don’t.
But either way, I remain free in how I create myself.
So … are we in control?
A lot?
A little?
Not at all?
I’m still exploring.
I’d genuinely love to hear what you think.
Much love,
Peter