34 Years!
This time 34 years ago, I was probably driving from Dungannon to Belfast to marry Jules.
The number’s been bouncing around in my head all morning.
How did that happen?
Where did the time go?
How can something feel like a lifetime ago and yesterday at the same time?
I’m not sure why 34 feels so significant. Maybe it’s just where I am in life. But this morning, I’ve been reflecting…
On our wedding day itself and how much fun it was.
On the highs and lows over the years.
On the fact our kids are now 29 and 31 … and living half a world away in Australia.
On how much joy there is in this current season.
And on how marrying Jules remains easily the best decision I ever made.
I was 23. Thought I knew it all. Knew very little.
Three years later, we had our son Jake. I still remember carrying him into the house after leaving the hospital … looking down and thinking, “It’s just us now. How are we going to do this?”
We were so young … but we made it.
There were moments that weren’t easy. Either of us could have walked away. But we didn’t.
There were years I wasn’t present, especially in the early parenting days … and especially in the lead-up to my burnout.
In those final six months, I’d come home and disappear into my study without a word. I was lost, trying to figure it out alone. Asking for help didn’t feel like an option. Jules kept life going for the kids … even when she knew it wasn’t normal.
We made traditional vows that day in Belfast … “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health … till death do us part.” We meant them. And we’ve lived them.
Eventually, I found my way to a therapist. I left the family business I’d given almost two decades to. I trained as a therapist. Then as a coach. I did the work … therapy, couples therapy, retreats, immersions.
Jules did the same. She mastered the Sarah Key technique. Then Myofascial Release. She hired coaches, wrote a book … and now she’s leading retreats.
As we did the inner work, the struggle softened. The separateness became closeness.
We started growing … together and individually.
We became each other’s loudest champions.
We found a spiritual path that felt personal. We went on retreats.
We even spent our 20th anniversary with Hedy Schleifer, the best couple’s therapist we knew.
We created documents. We trained together (sometimes).
We committed to showing up in ways we never thought possible.
Today, we’re in Portugal.
I’ll be working the next few days … and we’ll celebrate properly on Sunday, the 40th anniversary of our first date in Parkers nightclub, Dungannon, on 12th October 1985.
We’ve kept our vows.
We’ve built a marriage … and a life … that just keeps getting better.
Marrying Jules was the best decision I’ve ever made. I wouldn’t be the man I am without her love, support, patience, commitment, friendship, encouragement … and yes, her challenge.
Steve Hardison once said: “The most important work you will ever do is the work within the four walls of your own home.”
I know that to be true.
34 years married today … and the best is still to come.
Much love,
Peter